IS this cover letter ok?

I think you should shorten it a bit. Maybe down to 2 paragraphs. Most managers are busy and might not take the time to read. I would cut about what you want to get out of working there. They want to know what you are going to do for your paycheck. Triple check your spelling, punctuation, and so forth. My manager will toss a letter at the first mistake on it. If you are still in school I bet one of the english teachers would help with that. Good Luck